The Writer’s Hole, “You’ve come a long way, Baby” Blogfest is today. Click over and help Christine celebrate by showing everyone how much you’ve progressed as a writer. Sounds easy, right? I’m proud of how far I’ve come, but can’t believe I’m about to post this for the world to see. AH!
Deep breath. Deep breath. Here I go. This is an excerpt from my adult paranormal “Bloodlines” I started more than five years ago:
Spring brought with it the vitality of new life. The trees grew lush with green leaves. Exotic flowers released their fragrance on the gentle breeze. Beauty flourished every where except in the heart of Tasaria Blest who trekked the mountain side.
By moon and lantern light, she climbed over rocks and boulders as she made her way around the mountain in search of an entrance. The thought of what she was about to do set her nerves on end. She felt safe in the moonlight, but once she entered the mountain, the darkness would swallow her.
She tried to remember what it was like before she was afraid of the dark. A time when she welcomed the night and all of its shadows. When she enjoyed skinny dipping in the river basked in moonlight. And it work for a few minutes, but then she saw his face.
Just then, she tripped over a stick and fell forward. She caught her balance before she hit the ground and broke the lantern. She held the lantern up high and glanced around. Up ahead in the distance, she spotted the red scarf she’d tied to a tree days ago. She tried not to let herself feel discouraged as she sat on a boulder to rest.
Okay, not as bad as I thought. The revision….
The stench of death clung to the air. Old death, but not decay. Absolute darkness made it impossible to see anything. The sound of something sharp and hard scraped against stone. Where am I? A cave? A mausoleum? Not knowing made the blackness suffocating. I wasn’t alone. Something lurked nearby. Something that I couldn’t see, yet it set off every internal alarm.
I needed to get out of there. A pair of red eyes flared a few yards away. I stumbled back and landed hard against a jagged surface that cut into my elbow. I winced, but managed to stay quiet. It didn’t matter. The red glow crept closer.
I jolted to back to reality, drenched in sweat. Part of me wanted to summon the trance again to interpret the meaning of the vision. The other part needed sunshine to wash away the lingering sensations. The latter won.
Just as the sun broke the horizon, I rushed to my place of solace, my garden and studied the bright colored flowers and vegetables. Long, deep breaths brought with them the sweet aroma of roses. The soft babble of Moose River filled my mind as I knelt to dig my bare hands into the soil. This is real – the cool dirt, the tiny pieces of gravel, the worms.
Obviously, I switched from third to first person. It felt right for this piece. I learned about using other senses (sense of smell, sound, touch) to bring a story to life. There’s more showing, less telling.
Okay, your turn. How much/how have you improved your writing over the years? If you decide to participate this Blogfest, please leave something in the comments below so I can click over to your blog.